I'm tired. Whether discussing our church change, or any of the other changes in our lives right now, it all just amounts to I'm tired.
Honestly, I wouldn't mind a personality transplant right now. I'd like a "keep it simple" attitude. Just get me catechized or decide against it and go my merry way back into a Protestant church and on with life. But no. More reading, more listening, more discussing.
I'm in the baptism section of reading in Tiber, and it is lengthy. Lots to read and think about and look up in the Bible. I just don't feel smart enough to make this decision. I think I've said it before, and I mean it. These scholars make great arguments, both the Catholic and the Protestant. And I have a strong Protestant bias that's effecting everything. Kevin reads it and sees black and white truth, I think. I read and I get angry. I read the scripture references and I can see both interpretations of certain passages. So how the heck am I going to make up my mind? And why in the middle of all this do I keep finding it hard to believe God cares?
If the day comes that I become a Catholic, my children will be baptized. So here's what it comes down to for me right now, tonight. I want to rejoice in that decision. And, almost more importantly, I want to understand it well enough to explain it to my most Protestant friend - and I want to embrace it, gosh-darn it!